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My weekend… and the past couple of months, for that matter

21 Aug


What the hell happened last night?


You frickin’ rang?


Never. Drinking. Again.


 Unicorns… Rainbows… Bear traps…


WTF is this??

21 Aug

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here, but between all the eating, sleeping, pooping, and frolicking I do, it’s hard to carve out quality time to document my thrilling life. A new development has emerged on the horizon, and it is despicable.

Chick Human and Dude Human came home the other day and took me out of my cozy hammock I love so dearly and into this god-awful place that was all too familiar… the pet shop (dum dum DUUUUMMM!!!) The trip was mostly a blur I’ve tried semi-successfully to block out. But the one thing I can’t block out is this:

“Yeah. Step on my spleen, why don’t you?”

Those bastards got me a roommate.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally get the cuteness factor that makes them go “Awww!” every time the pipsqueak moves, but I mean… c’mon!! He’s practically a brown possum… except cuter and smaller and less likely to end up as road kill (for now, that is. My patience and his gullibility have yet to be determined).

Dude & Chick Humans still don’t know what they’re gonna call him, so they’ve called him Esteban, Rodrigo, Jorge, Roberto, Juan, Jose, and a bunch of other chips and salsa names. I call him annoying. Who knows—the little dude may prove useful. If nothing else, he’s a great decoy for the cats…


14 Jun


This fluff-ball I now share my domain with is costing me precious hours of nap time. So much for us getting along. The chasing and food-sharing was one thing, but when home-girl messes with my sleep, it’s on like Donkey Kong.


Dude Human keeps making us stare at each other like this… I’m still trying to figure out if I can make her brain explode. It’s hard to make eye contact. I know she used these nefarious methods and oversized eyes to brainwash my Humans into thinking she’s all cute and innocent. Trifling harlot.

I’d make this longer, but I’m super tired from chasing this fluffy tail the past couple of days. Plus, my arms are little and I have to do the Soulja Boy to get from one key to another. I’m gonna go try to steal my spot in the stove drawer back…

Day 24

12 Jun

Well, it’s taken 24 days, but I think these people have finally figured out who’s boss… and that they should wear fluffy socks when I’m not caged. They keep putting me in time out for nibbling on their feet, but hey, think about it this way: people didn’t want to nuzzle sweetly against Godzilla’s feet when he stomped through their city. Just sayin’. 

One new development is that they’ve finally given up on keeping me out of their appliances. It’s not like I’m trying to electrocute myself on their stove or fridge, but it’s just so darn dusty back there and somebody has to clean it and it obviously ain’t gonna be the Godzillas. Plus it’s warm and I can hide from this new thing they brought home.

ImageI can’t figure her out. She’s like a mini version of what roams around my chick human’s apartment. This is the one they call “Zazzles.” She’s not a whole lot bigger than me, but she sure likes playing tag… not sure what that’s about. I do like eating her food though. As long as she stays out of my hammock, I think we’ll be okay. More to follow…